How to Talk to Your Child About Psychological Testing Results: A Guide for Parents
Navigating the world of psychological testing can feel like an overwhelming journey for many parents and caregivers I've had the privilege of working with. I’ve seen firsthand how daunting it can be to sift through reports filled with complex terminology and to face the challenge of discussing those results with a child. Whether the assessments were conducted to evaluate learning difficulties, emotional health, or behavioral concerns, approaching these conversations with care and empathy is crucial.
Many parents express their worries about how their child might react to the findings, fearing that labels could lead to feelings of inadequacy or confusion. However, I’ve also witnessed the relief and understanding that can emerge when these results are explained in a supportive and comprehensible manner.
This comprehensive guide aims to equip you with the tools you need to navigate these important conversations effectively. Below, you’ll find examples and dialogue templates designed to facilitate discussions about your child’s testing results, ensuring they feel understood and empowered throughout the process.
It’s common for parents to feel apprehensive about these conversations, worried about how their child might interpret the information or whether it could impact their self-esteem. However, when approached with empathy and understanding, these discussions can quickly transform into powerful moments of connection and empowerment. - Dr. Liliya Webb
Prepare for the Conversation
Before you begin the discussion, take time to thoroughly review the testing results. Familiarize yourself with the terminology, findings, and what they reveal about your child’s unique situation. If the report includes a diagnosis, learn about common traits, challenges, and strengths associated with it. This knowledge allows you to relate the results to your child’s everyday experiences, making the conversation more meaningful and effective.
Tip: Note down key points from the report that you want to highlight. These can serve as talking points during the discussion. Additionally, if you think it would be helpful, research well-known figures your child might relate to who have faced similar challenges. This can provide positive examples and help normalize their experience.
Choose the Right Setting
Selecting a comfortable and safe environment can help both you and your child feel more at ease, reducing any added stress during the conversation. Choose a time when your child is relaxed and not preoccupied, such as after school or during a calm weekend afternoon. It’s important that the setting is quiet, with minimal distractions, so your child can focus fully on the conversation.
For example, you might say, “Would you like to sit in your reading nook or on the couch with your favorite blanket while we chat about something important?” Giving them the choice allows them to feel more in control and comfortable.
Tip: Adding small, comforting touches, like having their favorite snack or stuffed animal nearby, can help create a supportive atmosphere, making it easier for your child to open up.
Use Age-Appropriate Language
When discussing complex topics, it’s essential to adapt your language to match your child's age and developmental level. Younger children benefit from simple explanations, while teenagers may appreciate more in-depth discussions.
For younger children (6-8 years old) you might say: “The tests showed us that your brain is like a race car—really fast and full of energy! Sometimes, it can be hard for race cars to slow down or stay on one track, especially when they have so many cool ideas. This means we might need to work on ways to help your brain focus when it’s time for school or quiet activities, and that’s something we can do together.”
For older children (9-12 years old) you might say: The tests showed that your brain has something called ADHD, which stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. It means your brain is very active and switches between ideas quickly, which is a strength for being creative or solving problems. But it can also make focusing on schoolwork or staying organized harder—like having a powerful engine that sometimes needs help slowing down. Many people with ADHD do amazing things, like athletes and artists. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you; it just means your brain works differently. Now that we know, we can find strategies to help you focus when needed.
Begin With A Positive Tone
Begin the conversation by focusing on your child’s strengths and explaining the purpose of the testing in a positive and supportive tone. Emphasize that the assessment was conducted to better understand their unique abilities and identify ways to help them thrive or make things easier, both in school and at home. By combining the focus on strengths with an explanation of the testing's purpose, you create a reassuring, affirming message that reduces anxiety and shame and encourages open communication.
For example, you might say: “We did these tests to learn more about how you think, learn, and what makes you special. This helps us figure out the best ways to support you. We found out some really great things about you, like how you come up with creative solutions and how much you enjoy staying active. We also noticed a few areas where you might need a little extra help, and that’s okay—now we know how to work together to make things easier for you.”
Summarize the Results Clearly
When discussing the results, break them down into manageable parts and explain them in a way that matches how your child learns best. Focus on the main findings, such as their strengths, challenges, and any diagnoses, if applicable.
For example, you might say: “The testing showed that you have incredible strengths, like being really good at solving problems and thinking creatively—those are your superpowers! It also mentioned that you have ADHD, which means your brain processes information differently, and sometimes that can make it a bit harder for you to stay focused on school tasks and homework, which is perfectly okay. We’re going to add some strategies to help you stay on track and make learning more enjoyable.”
Tip: Using visuals or interactive elements can help make complex information easier to understand and keep your child more engaged. For instance, you could create a simple chart that highlights their strengths and areas for growth or watch a YouTube video together that uses graphics to explain the concepts further. These can serve as helpful reference points during your conversation to convey complex topics more clearly.
Encourage Questions & Dialogue
Invite your child to ask questions throughout the conversation and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. This not only helps them process the information but also allows you to address any concerns they might have.
For example, you might say: “What do you think about what we just talked about? Do you have any questions or things you’d like to know more about? It’s okay to feel a little confused or worried. I’m here to help you understand everything.”
Normalize Their Experiences
Help your child understand that everyone has different strengths and challenges, and needing support in certain areas doesn’t define who they are. Emphasize that it’s a normal part of life for everyone to work on things and that they are not alone. This can help reduce shame and anxiety about the results.
For example, you might say: “It’s completely normal to have areas where you need a little extra help. Everyone has something they’re learning to manage better, and that’s perfectly okay! Even adults work on improving things about themselves every day.”
Bonus Tip: Sharing personal stories, like a time when you needed help with something challenging, can make your child feel more comfortable and understood. You could also mention well-known figures who have faced similar challenges, such as Taylor Swift, who has spoken about her experiences with anxiety, or Michael Phelps, who has openly discussed living with ADHD. Highlighting these examples can show your child that they are not alone in their experiences.
Discuss Next Steps & Strategies
After explaining the assessment results, it’s essential to discuss the next steps and strategies for support. This reassures your child that they are not alone in this journey and that there are concrete actions we can take together to help them thrive.
You might say: “Now that we understand more about how your brain works, we can explore some ways to move forward together. I’d love for us to sit down and create a plan that works for you. Your input is important in this process, so we can talk about different strategies you might like to try, such as setting a routine for homework, using a visual timer to break tasks into manageable chunks, or finding a quiet spot to complete tests and assignments.”
You can then add: “It’s also crucial to share our findings with your teacher at school. They can help make adjustments in the classroom, like as allowing extra time on tests or providing breaks when needed. This week, we can reach out to your school to set up a meeting with your teacher and school counselor to discuss how they can better support you.”
By discussing these next steps collaboratively and encouraging your child to take part in the planning, you empower them to play an active role in their learning and support network, reinforcing the idea that they have a team working alongside them.
Follow Up & Keep the Conversation Open
After your initial discussion about the psychological testing results, it’s important to check in with your child regularly. By fostering a supportive environment and making these discussions a routine part of your day, you help your child feel secure in their ability to share their feelings and thoughts, creating a safe space for open and honest dialogue. It also gives them time to process the information at their own speed, reinforcing that it’s an ongoing conversation rather than a one-time event.
Encourage open communication by asking open-ended questions and reassuring them that you’re always available for further conversation. For example, you might say, “How are you feeling about what we discussed? Is there anything else on your mind? I’m here for you anytime you want to talk about this or if you have any questions later on.”
After giving it some time, remember to check in as different strategies are being implemented. You can ask, “How is this feeling for you now? Do you think the new strategies are helping? Is there anything you would like to change or try instead?”
Explaining psychological testing results to your child is a significant step in their journey, and it’s natural for you to feel concerned about how to approach these conversations. You may worry about how your child will react or whether they will feel labeled in a way that impacts their self-esteem. By fostering open communication, you can reassure them that they are loved and supported, helping them navigate their strengths and challenges with confidence.
Remember, the goal isn’t just to share information; it’s to create a nurturing environment where your child feels valued, understood, and empowered throughout their journey. This foundation of support is essential as they learn to navigate their strengths and challenges.
By preparing thoughtfully and approaching the conversation with empathy, you can address your child's needs while also alleviating your own concerns as a parent. Together, you can develop strategies that promote their growth and success, empowering them to advocate for themselves and build a brighter future.